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Dude, Where's My Noob?/Transcripts
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Memnock: Today's lesson...

Fire Beast: [roars]

Memnock: How to use your battleballs remotely to defeat fire virus infected beasts.

Zenblock: They pose a huge threat to your planet, and--

Noobs: [various noises]

Zenblock: Noobs, pay attention!

Kevin: Hey, we're payin' attention.

Memnock: Then what did I just say?

Kevin: "What did I just say?"

Zenblock: Before that.

Tyler: Before what?

Zenblock: "What did I just say?"

Shope: Before that.

Memnock: Before what?

Tyler: "What did I just say?"

Zenblock: No, before-- ugh, stop it! Now, to remotely control enough to defeat the flaming foe, you... Wait, where are you going?

Tyler: School. We have a field trip today.

Shope: We're going to the science center to see dinosaur bones that are over a hundred million years old, including my favorite: the triceratops.

Kevin: But not as cool as the gift shop, where we shall spend ten dollars on useless, but wonderful trinkets.

Memnock: Gift shop? Now, that sounds exciting. Hey, doesn't that sound exciting?

Zenblock: [sighs] Okay, look. I hate to sound really negative right now, but... I can't stand any of you!

Memnock: He's really very nice. And enjoying his time on Earth.

Zenblock: [distantly] I can't stand the Earth, either!

[virus pod swooshes]

Principal: Okay, students! Welcome to... [menacingly] "When Giants Walked the Earth", Cornbury Science Center's newly restored T-Rex and triceratops display!

Kevin: Haha. Looks like your triceratops is getting its bony butt kicked!

Roach: Perhaps they should've named it the "Gotitsbuttkickedosaurus".

Tyler: [laughs] Good one! [laughing]

[thunder]

Tyler: But totally uncalled for! You guys are mean.

Kevin: Nah, we're funny. Zenblock is mean.

Principal: Okay, everyone. Let's go see those dinosaurs!

Memnock: See? They think you're mean.

Zenblock: I am mean, that's my thing.

Memnock: Yet you're here, because you know I wanna see what a gift shop is.

Zenblock: Hey. hey, hey. I came along because I am on Earth to train the Noobs and protect them from the virus!

Memnock: And that makes you nice.

Zenblock: I'm just here to stop the virus!

[virus pod swooshes]

[clunk]

Tyler: Okay, you know what? That is cool.

Shope: That is not cool.

Roach: Then why did parts of me just tingle?

Principal: Ooh. The T-Rex. The mighty beast who stood large over the dinosaur world and was its greatest hunter.

Shope: There is no evidence whatsoever that that fight ever took place or that the triceratops ever lost a battle to a T-Rex.

Principal: Ahh, okay. But it looks way bigger than the triceratops and it's here, so let's just go with that. Any other questions?

Kevin: When are we going to go to the gift shop?!

Principal: Oh, we're not. You'll just waste ten dollars on trinkets you don't need.

Tyler, Kevin, and Roach: Nooooo!

Kevin: Trinkets!

Zenblock: Hey. I just realized something.

Memnock: That gift shops are awesome? And I'm experiencing complete consciousness.

Zenblock: No! That we forgot to transform into our human Bob and Rob forms.

Memnock: Oh, crud.

Museum Director: There they are, my aliens, to promote the museum's upcoming exhibit called "Aliens"! [making robot noises]

Memnock and Zenblock: Ummm...

Museum Director: Here! Stop talking and pass out these flyers! And remember... aliens! [warbling lips] We are from outer space.

Zenblock: We don't talk like that, okay?

Museum Direcum Director: Tut, tut! Only I talk. See? [reading out] Director. And be more alien-like. You know, [warbling lips] We come in peace!

Zenblock: Okay, listen, you know what? I'm going to save us a bunch of time here. Aliens don't make that sound, okay? Because we. Are. Aliens!

Museum Director: Uh-huh. Yes, I know. And I wanted to be a dancer, but it just didn't work out, did it? No.

[thud]

Shope: How do we know the triceratops didn't kick the T-Rex's butt, huh?! Bigger doesn't mean better, people!

Kevin: Oh, just admit it. The T-Rex is just totally awesomer than your tri-scared-atops.

Shope: Really? Have you ever seen a live T-Rex? How do we even know it's ferocious?

Kevin: Um...

Roach: You... you'd better...

Shope: I think the T-Rex was totally scared of the triceratops and its own shadow.

Tyler: Yeah... I don't think so.

T-Rex Beast: [growls] [roars]

Shope: [screams]

T-Rex Beast: [roars]

Principal: [screams] Oh, dear! Here we go again. Run, everyone! Run for your lives!

Museum Director: Okay. Are we done with the whole [warbling lips] "I'm a real alien" talk yet?

Zenblock: Okay. Could I this if I wasn't a real alien?

[blast]

[explosion]

Museum Director: You're gonna have to pay for that bench.

Memnock: Ah, ah, ah. Remember, you're nice.

Zenblock: Nice? I'm going to nice destroy him and--

[kids screaming]

Memnock and Zenblock: [grunting]

Principal: The dinosaurs are alive!

Museum Director: Ahh, what now?

[crush]

T-Rex Beast: [snarls]

Shope: Okay. Maybe the T-Rex is vicious. But we still have no proof it was tougher than the triceratops!

Tyler: Enough with the triceratops! And we all know what we have to do. Go, battleballs!

[Super Noobs battle theme]

Tyler: Okay. Who's got a plan?

Noobs: [scream]

[crash]

Shope: [winded] I say we run.

Roach, Tyler, and Kevin: [various agreement]

T-Rex Beast: [roars]

Noobs: [scream]

Roach: [screaming]

[people screaming]

Museum Director: Who is messin' with my museum?!

[stomp]

T-Rex Beast: [snarls]

Museum Director: Mother. [screams]

Zenblock: Always send an alien to do an Earthling's job.

T-Rex Beast: [roars]

Memnock: See, you are nice. You just saved a guy neither of us can stand.

Museum Director: [screams]

Zenblock: [sighs] For the last time, I am not nice! I'm just protecting this wretched planet and trying to teach the unteachable Noobs!

Tyler: [panting] Okay. I think we just ran in a circle.

Kevin: Yep. See? The whole museum's a circle. We should've taken a left here.

T-Rex Beast: [snarls]

Roach: And we should've listened to Mem and Zen's lesson this morning.

Shope: Why?

T-Rex Beast: [growls]

Roach: 'Cause it's got the fire virus.

Kevin: Then it's time to fight dinosaur with dinosaur. Activate pterodactyl power! Possum?

Tyler: Yup.

Kevin: Activate... [high-pitched] Squirrel?

Shope: Chipmunk.

T-Rex Beast: [growls]

Kevin: Activate now please! [normal voice, screeches]

Noobs: Whoa! Whoa!

Kevin: Okay, pterodactyl mode getting dizzy! We're gonna crash!

Noobs: [groan]

Zenblock: [sighs] What did I tell you about remote controlling your battleball when faced with a fire virus beast?!

Tyler: We weren't listening! Sorry! But we'll listen now!

Zenblock: Good. Now pay attention this time. Remote battle powers, go!

T-Rex Beast: [growls]

Tyler: Yeah. We're toast.

Triceratops Beast: [growls]

T-Rex Beast: [growls]

Shope: Told you the triceratops was tough.

Memnock: And I told you Zenblock was nice.

Zenblock: Yes, I admit it. I can be very nice!

[crash]

Shope: Those bones work pretty well considering they're a hundred million years old.

Zenblock: Okay. You want to play rough? I can do that. [cracks knuckles]

T-Rex Beast: [snarls]

Zenblock: Hoo! Ha! Ha-hoo-ha-hoo-ha! Haha!

T-Rex Beast: [growls]

Zenblock: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Memnock: I love it when he does this. He;s like a silly dancer.

Noobs: [various agreement]

Zenblock: Silence!

Shope: Okay.

Kevin: Got it!

Tyler: Zippin' it.

Zenblock: Now for one last drop dead spin double kick!

T-Rex Beast: [growls]

Zenblock: hah! And that is how you control your battleball remotely.

Noobs: Cool...

[Extractor zaps]

Kevin: You know, when you put him in that pose, he does look awesomer than a T-Rex.

Shope: Why do you say "him"? How do you know it's not a "her"?

Kevin: [groans] Fine. She looks awesomer.

Museum Director: Huh. Can you believe T-Rex got its butt whooped by a triceratops?

Shope: Yes!

Zenblock: And perhaps your new remodeling needs a remodeling.

Museum Director: And right over here is new new dinosaur exhibit. Showing how the mighty triceratops defeated the wimpy T-Rex!

Shope: Finally, justice! Thank you.

Memnock: Told you you were nice.

Zenblock: [sighs] Let go of me, I... I don't like hugs.

Museum Director: And there you two are! Okay, off to promote the alien exhibit! Remember, aliens! [warbling lips] Now follow your leader!

Noobs: They don't talk like that!

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