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When Good Noobs Go Bad/Transcripts
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News Anchor: Entertainment Wow, right now. Tonight, action hero Arno Hoggenclobben is back.

Roach: Yes, he's back!

News Anchor: But does he still have what it takes in Hard Destiny 12?

Arno Hoggenclobben: [panting] Quickly... we all must get to... the... the core!

[alarms blaring]

Shope: Nope. Arno does not still have it.

News Anchor: And now a look at this season's most anticipated new show, Super Dudes.

Kevin: Super what?

News Anchor: Four kids like you, except they have super-powered power balls. Meet Skyler, The Broach, Kevina, and Shope.

Tyler: They're not like us. They are us!

Shope: They didn't even change my name!

Roach: I'm being played by a mustache man.

Kevin: And I'm being played by a girl?!

Tyler: Okay, calm down. They didn't say anything about Mem and Zen, so it's probably just a crazy coinci... dence...

News Anchor: You'll also meet Nen and Nez, the gang's dashing alien coaches played by Sly Looney and Derek Ditt.

Shope: Wait. You don't think they had anything to do with this, do you?

Zenblock: Whatever you want, make it quick. We're running late.

Tyler: Tell us you don't have anything to do with the new action TV series caled The Super Dudes.

Memnock: Know it? We created it!

Shope: Are you... nuts?!

Zenblock: No. We're just tired of saving this planet's butt and perhaps want to enjoy some of its rewards.

Memnock: [as Bob] Like [through megaphone] Showbiz baby!

Zenblock: [as Rob] Plus, Mem always wanted to direct, and we are really good at selling Earth TV shows.

Zenblock: It's got action and adventure and this cool sign and real looking aliens.

Councilman: I love it! You guys are geniuses!

Tyler: That's not being good.

Memnock: [through megaphone] Yeah it is. Now back away, 'cause we are... rolling!

[tires screech]

Tyler: So we all agree. We're gonna sneak onto the set, investigate the show, and possibly destroy it.

Roach, Shope, and Kevin: Yep.

[bell rings]

Skyler's Actor: [scoffs] We'll never make it! Our species is just too stupid and weak!

Memnock: [through megaphone] And... cut! Perfect!

Tyler: Perfect? That was horrible!

Zenblock: Wrong again! Okay, onto the scene where Nen and Nez save the Super Dudes, then get there own toyline!

[squeak]

Memnock: [through megaphone] Golf cart time!

Shope: You can't make a show based on us without our permission!

Memnock and Zenblock: Yes, we can.

Kevin: And I refused to be played by a girl!

Memnock: [through megaphone] Strong girl characters mean more girl viewers!

Roach: Maybe the show will be great and we're getting upset for nothing.

Zenblock: You'll love it. Check out the scene where the Super Dudes start crying.

Noobs: [coughing]

Kevin: Okay. Find the losers that are playing us and get this show cancelled because we do not cry!

Tyler: Right. We are cool.

[knocking]

Skyler's Actor: What?

Tyler: Yeah, I'm a friend of the director and--

Skyler's Actor: [scoffs] They told me I wouldn't have to deal with people like you until the convention.

Tyler: Yeah, see... I don't talk like that, which means you're doing the part all wrong.

Skyler's Actor: [scoffs] Doing the part wrong? I invented the part! Wait, I'm an insecure actor. Ahh! [crying] I'm doing it wrong! [cries]

[backup beep]

Zenblock: We know what you're trying to do.

Memnock: And as TV moguls, we not only have cool, tiny golf carts, we also have... [through megaphone] Security!

Tyler: Cool... [screams]

Broach's Actor: [growls]

Roach: [growls]

Broach's Actor: [growls]

Roach: [growls]

Broach's Actor: [growls]

Roach: La-la-la-la!

Broach's Actor: All right, creepy kid! I've got not time for this! I've got a family to feed! And I'm needed on set for the big crying scene.

Roach: Yeah, I'm afraid I can't let you do that.

Memnock and Zenblock: [through megaphone] Security!

Tyler: Uh... run now, 'cause this guy is fast.

Roach: [screams]

Shope: Hi, Shope. Uh, my name's Shope too. How 'bout that? Heh heh. Weird. Anyway, show's cancelled, you're fired.

Memnock and Zenblock: [through megaphone] Security again!

Roach: Yeah, don't even try running.

Kevin: Look, you can't have a girl play a dude part. So... bye.

Kevina's Actress: You got a problem with girls, dude?

Kevin: [straining] At the moment? Yes. I would have to say yes.

Shope: Hey!

Kevin: Oh. Looks like my ride is here.

Tyler: Okay. You guys have clearly got some sort of Earth showbiz fever and are not thinking straight, and it's gotta stop now.

Memnock: Perhaps, but we can't.

Zenblock: Yeah, 'cause once you've gone golf cart... [through megaphone] There's really no going back.

Memnock:Yeah, and a personal showbiz security guard who shows up when you say... [through megaphone] Security!

[crash]

Zenblock: Oh, he's so big. We met him in the parking lot next to what looked like a meteor pod.

Shope: Did you say "meteor pod"?

Memnock: Yeah, why? Uh-oh.

Security Guard: [growls]

Zenblock: Well, that explains his massive size.

Security Guard: [growls] [roars]

Roach: And massiver size!

Noobs: [scream]

[explosion]

Memnock: You know, this is all terrifying, but man, what a good scene!

Zenblock: Oh, right! The psycho security guard blast the Noobs, and then they say...

Memnock: Where'd they go?

Tyler: [pants] Okay gang. Time to go battleball!

[Super Noobs battle theme]

Kevin: Wait. Where are we?

[mechanical whirring]

Shope: In danger. We are in danger.

Security Guard: [growls]

Tyler: Then press buttons on the battleballs!

Roach: Roach rocket!

Shope: Wait. There's four of us and only one of him. Why are we running away?

Kevin: Right! It's not like he's got an army he can infect that's as powerful as us! [panting] Wait!

[knocking]

Skyler's Actor: Ooh. Check out that makeup. Very real and-- Ahh! [deeper voice] Destroy the Earth now.

Shope's Actor: Am I the only one who thinks this infected thing doesn't make sense?

Shope's Actor and Broach's Actor: [deeper voices] Destroy this world.

[lights come on]

Roach: [screams] [groans] Wow. It's like we're fighting ourselves, only it's not ourselves 'cause it's beasts that look like ourselves.

[tires screech]

Memnock: Yeah. Not our best hire.

Security Guard: [growls]

Zenblock: Ahh! You trashed my golf cart!

Kevina's Actor: [deeper voice] Your world ends now.

Kevin: How is this fair? 'Cause I can't hit girls! [grunting]

Shope: In this case, you can make an exception.

[Super Noobs battle theme]

Kevin: Sorry! Man, gorillas are cool.

[teleportation zap]

Tyler: So is teleporting!

[Extractor zaps]

Memnock: Oh! Man, you can't write this stuff!

Zenblock: Super turbo battle [through megaphone] Action!

Skyler's Actor: Just so you know, I can read minds too. So I know what you're thinking.

Tyler: I knew that. Duh.

Memnock: You know what I'm thinking?

Zenblock: We need a better background?

Memnock: Oh! That really captures the moment.

Tyler: Well, Did you know that I know that you don't know that I can do this?

Skyler's Actor: I did not know that. [screams]

Kevin: I got this one.

[Extractor zaps]

Zenblock: Ooh, that was good. But can you do it again, but with more attitude?

Kevin: No!

Shope's Actor: Looks like your story ends here!

Shope: Actually, I prefer a more picturesque setting.

[wind blows]

Shope: And now, time for your [yelling] Close up!

Shope's Actor: [screams]

Zenblock: Did you see how we did that? With the crane?

Shope: We're mad at you!

[Extractor zaps]

Tyler: Four down, one to go.

Roach: I am sorry, but I have to stop you now.

Memnock: Eh. Too on the nose. Use a better line like "Time to blow you away."

Zenblock: No! "Tick-tock! Time's up."

Memnock: Meh. Ooh! "Time's up, baby."

Zenblock: Baby? He's not a baby. He's a grown boy.

[teleportation zap]

Tyler: No more lines! Just... super fist!

Roach: [battle cry]

Broach's Actor: Oh, crud. [grunts]

[teleportation zap]

[Extractor zaps]

Zenblock: [through megaphone] And cut!

[bell rings]

Memnock: That is a wrap, folks.

Kevin: I can't believe you filmed the whole thing and didn't help us!

Memnock: Well, I always wanted to direct. Plus, you saved us a bundle in special effects!

Zenblock: Yeah. And when the network sees this action-packed show, they will love it! And we will get a new golf cart.

Tyler: Wait. What about keeping our identities a secret?

Memnock: Hey, it's not about us anymore, buddy. It's about giving the public the great entertainment they so richly deserve.

Zenblock: And a golf cart.

Memnock and Zenblock: To the network!

Tyler: Yeah, they've lost their minds.

Shope: When everyone back in Cornbury watches it, we're toast.

News Anchor: And in other entertainment news, the planned series, Super Dudes has been cancelled due to what execs are calling creative differences.

Memnock: [normal form] They said the battle scenes "weren't realistic enough"!

Zenblock: [normal form] And that four ordinary kids could never get special powers like that.

Roach: Makes sense.

Tyler: I mean, who would watch a show about four dorky seventh graders who get battleballs?

Kevin: And fight invading virus beasts?

Noobs, Memnock, and Zenblock: [laughing]

Tyler: Uhh...

[eerie music]

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