Noob Kid in Town/Transcripts
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Noob It or Lose It/Transcripts

Shope: This could be the greatest battle we have ever faced.

Kevin: Dudes, it's a letter from the school saying parent teacher conferences are this week.

Tyler: And none of us have been the greatest students lately. In fact, we're terrible! Like the time Shope failed 'cause she was locked in metal hand mode?


Tyler: My cold last week caused me to miss, oh just five science classes?

Tyler: [sneezes]

[teleportation zaps]

[polar bear growls]

Tyler: And did you forget what happened when you wanted to see if battleballs bounce?

Kevin: Hm?


Coach Huntz: Kevin! Did you just blow up my gym?!

Kevin: Okay. Well, now we know they don't bounce.

Roach: What about me? I haven't had any superhero issues in school.

Shope: True, but you have other issues.

Teacher 1: Seodore Roachmont? Roachmont?

Roach: Whee!

Teacher 1: Seodore? Seodore Roachmont? Seodore!

Shope: [voice-over] You've blown off the last four weeks of art class to chase butterflies.

Roach: I'm in art class?

Tyler: Yeah. And when our parents find out about this, we're toast!

Kevin: Okay. We can fix this. We have superpowers and we can do anything.

Shope: Except stay out of trouble in school.

Kevin: Right.

Tyler: And first things first, we must stop all of our parents from getting this letter.

Ms. Bowman: Tyler? Are you home?

[teleportation zap]

Tyler: Yes. But not for long.

[teleportation zap]

[chomp, burp]

Tyler: Thanks, buddy.

[polar bear roars]

Shope: Hi, dad! Phew, it is hot in here. Perhaps a breeze might help?

[wind blows]

Shope: Hey. Can I go to the Roach's house?

[glass smashes]

Mr. and Mrs. Roachmont: [scream]

Mr. Roachmont: It's a mouse! In the house!

Kevin: [high-pitched chuckle]

Tyler: Perfect. Now our parents will not be going to our teacher conferences because they don't know about them.

Noobs: [laughing]

Kevin: [high-pitched] Yeah. Our teachers will be sitting all alone and won't be able to say bad things about us.

Roach: Yeah. Then they'll get worried that something happened to them and they will call our parents, who will pick up the phone and say "I didn't even know there was parent-teacher conferences." [laughs]

Shope: Okay. One, how did we not see that coming? And two, let's start begging you-know-who.

Noobs: Please, please, please, please, please.

Memnock and Zenblock: Forget it!

Zenblock: Part of your training is teaching you how to handle danger on your own! So leave us alone while we enjoy this thing called "a western".

[western music plays]

Memnock: Can I get a horse?

Zenblock: No! Maybe.

Tyler: Okay. The reason we're doing bad in school is because of the training!

Memnock: But we wanna see how the movie ends.

Kevin: The good guy wins.

Memnock: [groans]

Zenblock: Don't tell us that!

Memnock: Really?

Roach: The good guy wins in every western.

Zenblock: Darn it, Roach!

Memnock: Oh, you are heartless.

Zenblock: Agh. And fine. Whose parents at these "conferences" do we have to be first?

Memnock: [as Mrs. Roachmont] [gasps] I'm gorgeous.

Tyler: Now, just nod to everything our teachers say, then promise them you will make sure we do better.

Memnock: Okay. But the conferences all start at the same time.

Zenblock: [as Mr. Roachmont] Yeah, we can be different parents but not at the same time!

Shope: Man, we are not thinking these plans through.

Memnock: All right, don't panic. We'll split up as parents, then get out of the first meetings early, then race to the next one and be only a little late.

Tyler: Shope's dad and my mom mode first.

Zenblock: [as Ms. Bowman] Ha! These Noob teacher conferences will be a piece of cake. Heh.

Zenblock: [falsetto] I'm Tyler's mom. Nice to meet you, Mr. Wertz. We are soooo...

Mr. Wertz: Late. And can you tell me, Mrs. Tyler's mom, how your kid's in class one minute and gone the next?

Zenblock: Um, he had to go to the bathroom?

Mr. Wertz: Or is your son an alien? Or mutant? Or mutant alien?

Zenblock: Nope. Haha, that's not it.

Mr. Wertz: Perhaps you are an alien too. As a man of science, I cannot deny the existence of extra-terrestrials among us. And I'm gonna prove it.

Zenblock: [quickly] I have to go to the bathroom, please excuse me. [sighs] [normal voice] This is gonna be tougher than we thought.

Kevin: Why?

Zenblock: Your whacko science teacher thinks that we are all aliens! Which I guess makes him not so whacko.

Roach: What about my conference? It is art class, I think.

Zenblock: Kevin, you will have to shapeshift into Roach's mom!

Kevin: What?! I've never human-shifted before. Besides, it's too late.

Zenblock: For what?

Kevin: For my conference.

Coach Huntz: Kevin! Your mom is late for my conference, and...

Zenblock: [as Mrs. Reynolds] [falsetto] Well, hello there, Mr. handsome, athletic gym teacher man.

Coach Huntz: Look lady, no sweet talk. Your kid blew up my gym, and...

Zenblock: Ahh!


Coach Huntz: [babbling]

Kevin: Okay. My mom looks nothing like that. And what did you do to Coach Huntz?!

Zenblock: [normal voice] Nah, I just stunned him, he'll be fine in an hour. And how do I know what your mother looks like?!

Roach: That is one conference down and three to go.

Zenblock: Right. And now, time for you to be a parent.

Kevin: I told you, I've never shapeshifted into a human before!

Zenblock: Which is why I will link with you and help.

Kevin: [as Mrs. Roachmont] Umm...

Roach: Mommy!

Zenblock: Now, go to your conference while I get rid of whacko science guy and Memnock gets rid of whatever teacher Shope has.

Memnock: [as Mr. Shope] Look, teacher person. I'm a little pressed for time, so I'll tell Jennifer to do better in math and bye.

Teacher 2: But I want to be more than a teacher, I want to be a friend.

Memnock: Uh-huh. Us too.

Teacher 2: Numbers are also like friends. If you are friendly to them, they will be friendly back.

Memnock: Are you finished? Please be finished.

Teacher 2: I want to be your friend too. And if we listen to one another, we too can become friends. Math is my friend, and numbers are friendly all the time.

Teacher 1: Art is ze most important sing in ze vorld. Seodore is nowhere to be seen in class.

Kevin: [falsetto] Uh, yes! When I get home, I am going to have a talk with the Roach.

Teacher 1: What good will zat do?

Kevin: Uhh, honestly... [normal voice] Probably nothing. He's a kid.

Teacher 1: Oh, perfect. Another soft, sqvishy think-parent who can't control their children!

Kevin: Okay, fine! I'll lock him in his room and not let him out until he appreciates art.

Teacher 1: [gasps] Zis is ze greatest parent-teacher conference I've ever had in my life! I love you.

Roach: Awesome! Two down and two to go.

Kevin: What are you doing here?

Zenblock: [panting] Fake going to the bathroom again. Your crazy Mr. Wertz is now wearing a helmet that he says can absorb our energy.

Kevin: You left Tyler in there?!

Zenblock: I feel bad, okay?

Mr. Wertz: Give me your alien powers, Tyler and I'll give your real mom a glowing report!

Tyler: Uh, Mr. Wertz? You might be...

Mr. Wertz: Crazy? I've heard it before from the school board. But they said the same thing about Copernicus and Darwin!

Tyler: Heheh, yeah, but those guys weren't crazy!

Teacher 2: And for there to be good grades in math class, there needs to be good communication in math class. So if Jennifer wants more communication, we should communicate the need for more communication, and...

Memnock: Okay, enough! You wanna make math fun. It's important, sure. The laws of the universe are all based in math. But it will never. Be. Fun.

Teacher 2: [gasps] [cries]

Memnock: Oh, crud. Okay, so I'll tell Jennifer to do better on her tests, thank you. We're friends and communicate friendship, right?

Teacher 2: Okay. Thanks.

Zenblock: Yes! Three down, one whacko science teacher to go.

Kevin: Wait! Change me back! This feels weird...

Shope: Please don't do that.

Kevin: [as an alien] Earthling please. [as Elvis Presley] Older!

Zenblock: I have to get back to the conference!

Tyler: Look. I am not an alien and I only have one mom.

Zenblock: [falsetto] Oh, look at that. Heh. I didn't unattach you. This looks weird, right?

Mr. Wertz: Aha! You are an alien! You're all aliens. It all makes sense now. Surrender your powers to me, or I will expose you all and turn you into the authorities, who will turn you all into experiments!

Tyler: [sighs] It's true. We are mutant aliens. And these are not even our parents. Show him.

Memnock: Dude, what are you doing?

Tyler: Show him!

Mr. Wertz: [gasps] I knew it! I'm not crazy!

Tyler: But we will never give you our powers!

Mr. Wertz: Aha! Then you give me no choice but to expose you!

Mr. Wertz: They are aliens! I saw them shapeshift with my own eyes! Now, what are you gonna do about it?

Principal: What should I do about it?

Mr. Wertz: First, have them relinquish all of their weapons to me personally. Then, allow me to experiment on them in my lab.

Principal: Ooh, yes. Or I could give you a much-needed evaluation.

Mr. Wertz: What? Not the school board again! No! It's true! They are aliens!

Principal: And if you say nothing of this, I'll give Tyler a glowing teacher review!

Tyler and Zenblock [falsetto]: Deal!

Mr. Wertz: Can't you see?! This is their plot! They wanna take over the world! But that's what I wanna do!

Coach Huntz: Hey! We're not done with our--


Coach Huntz: [babbles]

Tyler: Four down and...

Noobs: None to go.