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XR4Ti: Super Noobs are officially one hour late for training.

Noobs: [panting]

Tyler: Sorry we're late for training!

Kevin: Yeah, it took us forever to come up with this excuse and make these props! Oops.

Roach: Wait. Something's different here. But I can't put a finger on it...

[crash]

Memnock: There will be no training today.

Shope: 'Cause you got new cool dude shades that might be too dark?

Zenblock: [muffled] No!

[crash]

Roach: Ooh! Because you're playing pirate?

Shope: With two pirate eyepatches, which is always a bad idea.

Zenblock: There is no training because we've come down with swink-eye.

Memnock: It's a space-oriented eye infection... that looks like this!

Noobs: [screaming]

Memnock: And we totally can't see and totally can't drive into space and get curative eyedrops in Beta Sector.

Tyler: Might I suggest homeopathic tea made of foraged shrubs and herbs?

Zenblock: Might I suggest that you come closer so that I might swat your head?!

Tyler: Wait! I know. We'll fly into Beta Sector and get your eyedrops!

Memnock: That's not a bad idea.

Zenblock: That might actually work.

Zenblock: Now remember. No Earth snacks of any kind in the Galacticus.

Noobs: Got it.

Zenblock: And the ship must return in perfect condition, or I will crush you!

XR4Ti: Setting autopilot mode now.

Memnock: The XR4Ti is your autopilot, so no stopping anywhere and no sticky juice boxes. Understood?

Kevin: [slurping] Got it. No juice and no mess!

[spark]

XR4Ti: Sticky juice box crash mode [powering down] now...

Zenblock: Hey, hey! What was that?!

[fire extinguisher]

Tyler: Ha, situation normal! Everything's normal here!

Memnock: Good, and whatever you do, don't press any buttons.

Shope: Oh, don't worry there, big eye-infected guys. Everything is under control.

[Galacticus swooshes]

Noobs: [screaming]

Kevin: What did you just do?!

Shope: I was trying to act cool, 'cause you're not, and I messed up, okay?!

Tyler: All right. This is not a time to panic.

[alarm blaring]

Shope and Tyler: [screaming]

Kevin: I think I just panicked in my pants.

Tyler: Okay. We just gotta get this steady and get back to the meadow. And which button does that?

Kevin: Let's try this one!

Tyler: Wrroooonngg.... butttoooonnnnn...

Roach: Myyy faaacceee.... iiiissss meeellltttiiinngg...

Kevin: [through gritted teeth] Time... for the next... button.

Noobs: [grunt]

Kevin: Ha! awesome, I got a great track record driving spaceships.

Shope: Video games don't count.

Kevin: Yes, they do! They totally count!

Shope: Then what do we do at the space stop light?

Tyler: They have stoplights in space?

Kevin: Oh, that's simple. You do this!

[whoosh]

Kevin: Okay. But it's not like a space cop saw us.

[police siren]

Kevin: Okay, so a space cop saw us. Now we just need to find the getaway button.

Tyler: No more buttons!

Space Cop: [speaking alien language]

Tyler: We don't understand. We mean no harm!

Shope: I don't think he speaks horrified Earthling.

[police siren]

Tyler: Fine. One more button.

Roach: Ooh! My turn!

[clunk]

Kevin: Okay, just for the record, I was totally gonna press that button.

[crashing]

Zenblock: I can't stand not seeing and I can't stand my itchy eyes and I can't stand you!

Memnock: I'm over here.

Zenblock: I can't stand you over there!

Memnock: Didn't the Noobs say that Earth tea could soothe our eyes?

[crash, goat bleat]

Zenblock: I am not making tea for my eyes.

Memnock: I'm over here.

Zenblock: Stop moving! Where are the Noobs with our medicine?!

[blasting]

Kevin: Once again, proof that video games are the solution to all problems.

Tyler: I can't believe we might get out of this without a single scratch on the Galacticus and... look out!

[alarm blaring]

Kevin: For the record, I did not press one button.

[alarms blaring]

Shope: And for the record, that looks bad.

Roach: I have a feeling this is gonna be really, really, really, really bad.

[dreamy music]

Roach: [lovestruck] Not bad.

Princess Parsa: So, I'm guessing you don't know I'm Princess Parsa, the toughest rebel fighter in the galaxy?

Roach: I'm the Roach. I love you.

Shope, Tyler, and Kevin: Not now.

Princess Parsa: You just trashed my ship.

Kevin: You can't prove that.

[explosion]

Princess Parsa: And you ruined my mission to save my planet from Queen Beeanca's Hyper Hive. So guess what?

Noobs: What?

Princess Parsa: You're all on my mission now.

Shope: Um, I wouldn't recommend that. We're basically terrible at everything we do.

Tyler: Besides, we're already on a very important mission: to get eyedrops.

Roach: [grunts]

Princess Parsa: Then I'm commandeering this ship!

Kevin: Fine! But you can't get a scratch on the ship or press any-- [scream, crash] I'm okay!

[Galacticus whooshes]

[kettle whistles]

Memnock: All right. According to Earth, we let the tea bags absorb the hot H2O.

Zenblock: Okay. How do we do that?

Memnock: I guess you grab the pot with your bare hands and pour.

Zenblock: Makes perfect sense to me. [screams] It's so hot! Walk into my flailing arms so I may swat your head!

Memnock: Now why would I do that?

Zenblock: [cries] Oh, my gloy... I'm so sad.

[clunk]

[crash]

Roach: I know this is a weird moment, but will you marry me?

Princess Parsa: Ugh... you're a little young for me.

[beeping]

Roach: How 'bout now?

Princess Parsa: Still too young.

[beeping]

Roach: How 'bout now?

Kevin: Uh, I'm sorry to break up this moment here, but what is that?!

[blasting]

Princess Parsa: That is our mission. And it's not over until we destroy it.

[blasting]

Tyler: I feel the need to remind you that we're under strict orders to return this ship to Earth in perfect condition.

Princess Parsa: Not a problem. 'Cause we're now in a tractor beam.

Kevin: Okay. So we stay here while you do what you have to do to save your planet, then we all leave.

Princess Parsa: Try again.

Shope: We help you find the main control room so you can disarm the Hyper Hive and maybe capture the evil queen?

Princess Parsa: Right after we stop the Swarm Troopers.

Swarm Troopers: [buzzing]

[blasting]

Swarm Troopers: [buzzing]

Kevin: Man, I hate this mission.

[blasting]

Shope, Kevin, and Tyler: [screaming]

Roach: Wow. They're really terrible shots.

Princess Parsa: Or amazing, 'cause they just blasted our escape! [grunts]

[blasting]

Noobs: [screaming]

Tyler: [grunts] Huh! It's the control room.

Princess Parsa: And the main panel! It'll let me save my planet and probably the galaxy.

Queen Beeanca: Who dares enter my Hyper Hive?

Princess Parsa: It's Queen Beeanca! But we have her outnumbered.

Tyler: And we also have... battleballs!

Shope: But she can sense vibrations and [straining] she has six arms.

Tyler: [straining] Little help?

Princess Parsa: [grunts] What do we do now?

Tyler: We... teleport!

[teleportation zaps]

Tyler: Now we usually just hang out and wait for Mem and Zen to save us.

Princess Parsa: Oh. I can take it from here.

Kevin, Roach, and Shope: [scream and grunt]

[beeping]

Kevin Ha! I finally hit the right button.

Princess Parsa: [gasps]

Roach: What? Is she your long lost mother, which would be weird because she's a bee-like creature?

Princess Parsa: No. She's got... swink-eye!

Queen Beeanca: My whole hive has it. And we can't see a thing!

Shope: Ohhh... that's why the Swarm Troopers couldn't hit us.

[boing]

[crashing]

Princess Parsa: So you're not trying to blow up my planet and eventually the galaxy?

Queen Beeanca: I hit the hive ray by accident. I'm just trying to get to Beta galaxy for some eyedrops.

Tyler: Then don't worry, queen. We'll take you there.

Queen Beeanca: Oh, that would be great.

[clunk]

Kevin: Oops.

[backup beep]

Zenblock: [panting] Where are you now?! I still want to swat your head!

Memnock: I'm still behind you! And I still can't see a thing!

[Galacticus whooshes]

Memnock: Wait! I think we're in the meadow.

Tyler: Mission accomplished, awesome alien trainers of ours.

Kevin: One swink-eye eye dropper delivered as promised.

Zenblock: Okay, someone just pick it up and spray it in our faces!

[teleportation zaps]

[spraying]

Memnock: Oh, sweet relief! It's all better.

Zenblock: [gasps] And look! Not a scratch on the Galacticus! Haha!

Noobs: [various agreement]

Space Cop: Is this here your spaceship?

Memnock: Of course. She's the greatest ship in the history of the universe.

Space Cop: Then you'll be happy to know you're getting the most tickets in the history of the universe.

Zenblock: Well, at least the Noobs left the Galacticus in perfect working order. Haha.

[huge clunk]

[car alarm]

Zenblock: Noooobs!

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