A Noob Divided Cannot Noob!/Transcripts
Sue Newswoman: This was the scene at Cornbury Beach today, as what appears to be an evil sea monster attacks swimmers and sunbathers. Then, what appears to be Cornbury's very own Super Dudes arrived and saved the day for the fifth time this week! Chaos quickly enveloped the beach, for when the sandstorm was gone, so was the terrifying beast.
Zenblock: Wow. They might actually be getting the hang of this.
Memnock: Well, they're breathing.
XR4Ti: Activating healing chamber.
XR4Ti: Healing complete. Now get ready for complaining.
Shope: Whoever thought being a superhero was great is nuts!
Tyler: But the healing chamber is kinda nice.
Kevin: No. What would be nice is a parade!
Roach: With all-you-can-eat cotton candy!
Zenblock: How 'bout a nice big slice of stop complaining because you are saving your planet and it's not about you!
Kevin: [scoffs] Well, thanks for the sympathy, bud!
Kevin: I'm not askin' for a lot. Just some perks of, you know, being a superhero? Like a movie trilogy or a hot chocolate faucet or awesome helmets that make everything I say sound awesome!
Shope: Okay. That's new.
Kevin: [inhales] [deep modulated voice] How do I sound? Do I sound awesome?
Roach: It is slightly intimidating, yes.
Tyler: Guys? Our battleballs are to be used to stop the virus. Not to reward or entertain ourselves.
Kevin: Hellooooo? [laughs] Aw, man. I can totally hear how awesome I sound!
Roach; I wonder what else our battleballs can do.
Shope: I can only imagine the possibilities.
Tyler: Uh, remember. With great power comes great responsibility.
Kevin: And remember, you guys should listen to awesome voice me and not lame Tyler.
Tyler: Don't... do it.
Kevin: Do it.
Shope: My parents never let me have a puppy! But now I have one! Sorta.
Roach: And check out all the tricks I can do with my battle yo-yo! Rock the cradle. Walk the wire. Chop the tree.
Tyler: That was my mom's favorite tree!
Roach: 'Kay, I did not know it could do that.
Kevin: Tyler. You know down deep you want to enjoy being a superhero.
Tyler: No. I enjoy being responsible.
Kevin: [normal voice] Dude. You've saved the world five times this week. Isn't it time you did something for you? [deeper voice] Join us, Tyler. Join the fun side.
Tyler: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Oh yeah! Whee-ha-ha!
Memnock: Hey. Maybe we should do something nice for the sad Noobs.
Zenblock: You mean like... not doing something nice for them?
Memnock: I mean an Earth party, telling them how proud we are of them. And putting up streamers. And blow these things.
Zenblock: No. And let me see that! [blows party horn] Where have you been all my life? Oh-ho-ho! [blows party horn]
Memnock: I know, right? Party!
[party horns blow]
XR4Ti: The Earth warriors are fine and have rewarded themselves by transforming their battleballs into toys.
Memnock and Zenblock: What?
Kevin: [heavy breathing]
Zenblock: Oh, this is bad!
Memnock: Oh, real bad.
XR4Ti: Because battleballs should only be used for virus-stopping purposes, correct?
Memnock: No! 'Cause we had no idea battleballs could do that stuff!
Zenblock: Which means they don't know how to use that stuff!
Memnock: And that means...
Memnock and Zenblock: Total Noob trouble.
Roach: Oh, battleball. How I love you. And wonder what else you can do.
Mr. Roachmont: [off-screen] Oh, Theodore! Have you mowed the lawn yet?
[battleball [lawnmower runs]
Roach: Yes! You're even a giant lawnmower that can mow my lawn faster!
[battleball lawnmower runs]
Shope: Okay, battleball. Sit. Backflip! Hmm... get me a smoothie? Ha! You're just like a real dog! Except help get smoothies.
[battleball dog growls]
Shope: Too real. [screams] Bah, bad puppy! [clunk] Ba-a-ad pu-u-u-uppy!
Kevin: One ice Splungee to go! How much?
Kevin: I said, how much?
Clerk: Uh, I don't want any trouble!
Kevin: Uh, neither do I? And I'll take this candy bar, too.
Clerk: Uh, take it. And all the cash! Please, just take it!
Kevin: Ha! That dude is awesome!
Kevin: And I think he was afraid of me! And darn you, amazing, but threatening helmet!
Kevin: I'm not a robber!
Tyler: Ha! This is the best day ever!
Sue Newswoman: It's chaos in Cornbury.
Tyler: Oh no. Must be the virus!
Sue Newswoman: A convenience store has been robbed by deep-voiced villain, a robot dog is terrorizing the cats of the city and... This just in, a giant metallic lawnmower is mowing down houses. We go live.
Roach: Um, it is a giant lawnmower, which is weird, as I do not know where it could have come from.
[battleball lawnmower runs]
Roach: Nope. No idea.
Sue Newswoman: If you can hear us, please help us, Super Dudes! Wherever you are!
Tyler: We can hear you! We're the ones who did it!
Memnock: [as Bob] What did you Noobs do?
Tyler: Aheh. Well, where would you like me to start? Heheh. I mean, first, we were all feeling a little under-appreciated, you know. Then, heh-heh, two, Kevin likes to have fun, as you... know. Uh...
Zenblock: [as Rob] Okay, I don't need to know what you did. Let's just stop the chaos on our cool battle hover scooters!
Tyler: Cool! You have some, too?
Memnock: Yes, and we always knew they could do this and didn't just learn when you Noobs did it.
Tyler: Uh, okay.
Memnock and Zenblock: Rescue scooter mode now!
Shope: Sit, battle puppy! Bad laser eyes, bad!
Zenblock: Get on! Now, tell it "good boy".
Shope: Good boy!
Memnock: Now, tell battle puppy to fly!
Shope: Battle puppy, fly!
Zenblock: Now say, "Battleball form!"
Shope: Battleball form!
Memnock: Now give the kitties some treats, 'cause they look upset!
Woman: Ahh! Nothing can stop it!
[car alarms blaring]
[battleball lawnmower runs]
Roach: [pants] I just thought a giant lawnmower that could mow lawns with one pass would be cool.
Zenblock: Yeah, it't not. And... [grunts]
Tyler: Three down and Kevin to go.
Shope: Uh, where is Kevin?
Kevin: Help! Help me!
Roach: There he is.
Kevin: All of this was a mistake! I was just trying to have fun 'cause I'm tired of being a superhero!
Policeman 1: Uh, yeah. This is a short man, not a kid, right?
Policeman 2: What kinda kid has a cool, yet threatening voice like that? Let's net him!
Kevin: [screams] No! Don't net me, bro!
Policeman 1: Wait. Where'd he go?
Kevin: [normal voice] Again, before you ask me if I've learned my lesson, I totally have.
Shope: And we will only use our battleballs responsibly, like superheroes are supposed to.
Memnock: Good. Now, one more thing. [blows party horn]
Memnock and Zenblock: [normal forms] Let's party!
Memnock: For a job well done. And to let you know... how amazing you are.
Zenblock: Even though you messed up today, you are our brave warriors who deserve some fun once in a while.
Memnock and Zenblock: [blowing party horns]
Tyler: Huh. I guess bein' a superhero does have its advantages.
Kevin: Like hangin' out on a super cool spaceship with music and streamers
Memnock: [as Bob] And not to cut this party short, but we have to go.
Zenblock: [as Rob] We are going to make sure there is no more damage in Cornbury and that everything is okay.
Memnock: Because we never abuse our battleballs. Like use them as puppies.
Zenblock: Or helmets that make your voice sound really cool.
Zenblock: [deep modulated voice] Ladies. What do you think of our amazing voices?
Barista: Hey, look. We don't want any trouble.
Memnock: [deep modulated voice] Hey. Neither do we.
Memnock: Wow. What a nice guy, giving us all his cash.
Zenblock: Darn you, awesome but threatening voice changing helmet!