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Noob Kids on the Block/Transcripts
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Memnock: And now, phase twelve of today's great warrior training!

Zenblock: Tackle the dummy, you Noobs!

Noobs: [panting]

Kevin: We don't wanna train anymore. Huh? Dude, that is so not fair.

Zenblock: Neither is the virus. Now, punch the dummy with your gorilla arms!

Kevin: [gasps] Wait. I can only be part animal?!

Memnock: You can do anything if you put your mind and battleball to it.

Zenblock: Kevin! Animal powers!

[crash, glass breaks]

Zenblock: Eh, good, but... darn it!

Memnock: Now the rest of you try.

Zenblock: Shope! Wind powers! Tyler! Tele-powers!

[teleportation zap]

[explosion]

Tyler: Yes!

Zenblock: Roach! Roach powers!

Memnock: Okay, that was actually pretty good.

Zenblock: Yeah, except you trashed our Earth house!

Tyler: Uhh... sorry?

Zenblock: What is that? What is "sorry"?

Shope: It's what we say on Earth when we feel bad about something that we can't fix and the person that we say it to says "okay" and likes you again.

Memnock: Really? I wanna try!

Zenblock: [screams]

Memnock: Sorry. Hey, it worked.

Zenblock: Sorry! Heheh, I like this Earth word. [laughs] Uh-oh. Oof!

Memnock: Sorry!

Kevin: Guys. You know what this means?

Tyler: Uh, that we might have misrepresented the term "sorry"?

Memnock: [screams]

Zenblock: Sorry!

Kevin: No. That we actually pulled off a power. And we all know what we need to do.

Roach: Um, fight the space virus that is trying to destroy our world?

Zenblock: [screams]

Memnock: Sorry!

Kevin: Close.

[whistle blows]

Tyler: Football? No. We cannot use our powers to make the football team.

Kevin: Yes, we can!

Shope: I always wanted to play football.

Roach: It's exciting!

Tyler: You're going to get caught and get us exposed and then we'll all end up on government lab tables.

Kevin: The only thing that will get caught is the football with my spider hands!

Coach Huntz: Well, well. It looks like we've got ourselves some football noobs!

Tyler: Not me. I'm not playing.

Coach Huntz: Good. 'Cause I need a water boy! And there are only two things that matter in Fighting Squirrel Football. One is to beat our arch-rivals, the Eastside Wolves in our first game, and two: cutting all the losers from the team as fast as possible.

Shope: [gulps]

Coach Huntz: Kick-off drill! You three against Jock and five other huge guys!

Jock Jockerson: [laughs] Awesomeness! I get to play football and crush loser noobs!

Coach Huntz: Violent football music! [sing-song] Hit it!

Kevin: [gulps]

[ball whistles]

Shope: Wind powers, go.

[train whistle]

Kevin: Ah! I caught it!

Jock Jockerson: Crush the noob!

Roach: Blocking powers, go!

[football players groan]

Shope: I think we're supposed to run now.

Kevin, Shope, and Roach: [cheer]

Coach Huntz: They're great. They are so great! Woo-hoo!

Principal: Stop!

Tyler: Oh. This is gonna be bad.

Principal: Something odd is going on at Cornbury Middle School and I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

Principal: Boys and girl, weird things have been happening at school lately. There was a crazy beast in the hallway last week that was stopped by four small heroes. Next, you four are now miraculously on the football team. And on top of that, nobody's drinking their milk in the cafeteria!

Noobs: Huh?

Roach: Wha, what?

Shope: Well, milk can produce mucus that clogs nasal passages, and--

Principal: I've gone for fuel, okay?! (?) Which is why I'm turning our water boy into the milk boy. Hohoho!

[moo]

Principal: Now more students will drink milk like they're supposed to. Oh! And I have my eye on you. And I'll be watching that game very closely. Okay! Go Fighting Squirrels! [cheers]

Tyler: Okay. You have to quit. It's not fair to the other team who don't have superpowers. And Warmerammer is watching us like a hawk. A hawk with big principal eyes. Big, big eyes.

Kevin: Fine, we'll quit.

[whistle blows]

Cheerleaders: [cheering] Get on the field, instead of mope! 'Cause we love Kevin, Roach, and Shope!

Cheerleader: Cheer.

Tyler: Darn it!

Zenblock: Eh, I don't get it. Did the Noobs say they were sorry for not quitting?

Tyler: Yeah.

Memnock: Then what's the problem? Sorry's the best word ever.

Zenblock: [screams]

Memnock: Sorry. [screams]

Zenblock: Sorry! [as Rob] Now, what is this "football"? Is it as cool as "sorry"? [screams]

Memnock: Sorry!

Tyler: It's a game where you try and move a ball while destroying each other and fans sit in stands and cheer with pennants and eat food.

Memnock [as Bob] and Zenblock: Go, violent Earth game that's better than the word "sorry"!

Coach Huntz: Okay, my new superstars. You know what to do.

Kevin: Right. We know what to do.

Shope: Wind powers... not go.

Kevin: Oh, no.

[clunk]

Kevin: Ow.

Coach Huntz: Why didn't he catch that? He catches everything! Go, Roach! Carry the team to the endzone! Go! Go!

[honk honk]

Referee: Fumble! Wolves' ball!

Memnock: Yay! [indistinct]

Zenblock: Yay! Haha! Football! [laughs] Wait, was that good?

Jock Jockerson: I knew they were loser noobs.

Coach Huntz: Get out there and stop them!

[whistle blows]

Tyler: Milk?

Kevin: We get it! It's not sportsmanship to cheat, and using spider hands or gorilla arms is cheating.

Shope: And dangerous if we give away our secret identities.

Roach: I agree with what they have just said.

Tyler: I'm proud of you guys. And I get it, it would be nice to be school stars for once.

[whistle blows]

Wolves Player: Ha! Wolves rule!

Shope: Wow. He's really rubbing it in.

Coach Huntz: Gah!

Tyler: Hey, it's just one score. We still have a shot to win, even without superpowers.

[ding ding ding ding ding ding]

Tyler: Of course, I could be wrong.

Kevin: [retches]

Tyler: But I was not wrong about sportsmanship! The Wolves are our rivals and we haven't beaten them in eight years, but we did the right thing. They are going to win with class, and we are going to lose with class.

Wolves Player: Nice game, Squirrel losers!

[other players laugh]

Wolves Player: You can't score a single point and your Coach Huntz is crying!

Coach Huntz: [crying] I said I wouldn't cry. I said I wouldn't cry-y-y-y!

Wolves Player: Oh, and your Squirrel mascot is a joke! [laughs]

Zenblock: I don't think that is winning with class.

Memnock: I would say that's very rude.

Tyler: Oh yeah? Well, I would agree. I don't know if it's school pride or hatred of rudeness or that...

Coach Huntz and Jock Jockerson: [crying]

Tyler: But get out there and crush them.

Kevin: Dude, what are you saying?

Tyler: I'm saying go Super-Squirrels on three! One, two, three!

Kevin: [laughs]

Roach: Blocking powers, go!

[players grunting]

Coach Huntz: He's running. He's running!

Kevin: Make a path for me, my good Roach.

[crowd cheers]

Memnock: Yay! H-He crossed the thingy!

Zenblock: Yeah!

Coach Huntz: We scored! But there's only seven minutes left. Oh, it's too late.

Memnock and Zenblock: But it's not too late for a... football montage!

Cheerleaders: Go, football montage!

[Super Noobs battle theme]

[players growl]

[ding]

[ding]

[crowd cheers]

[ding]

[squirrels chatter]

Wolves Player: Man, I hate Squirrels. [screams]

Jock Jockerson: Aw, I never thought I'd say this, but... way to go, loser noobs!

[cheering]

Cheerleaders: Cheer, cheer! Cheer!

Principal: Stop! I want to talk to our star players and our milk boy. I think you know why I'm here. And what I'm about to say. Ohohoh! The milk worked! It makes you strong! So pick up milk boy, too!

[crowd cheers]

Tyler: Okay, so you know that was too close and we have to quit tomorrow?

Shope: Yes.

Kevin: But let's enjoy this moment while it lasts!

Roach: I am happy!

Cheerleaders: Cheer!

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